AHS Freak Show: Was it Good for You?

When I had originally written about the season premiere of American Horror Story: Freak Show, I had no idea how wrong I would actually be – about the story line, about the characters, basically about the entire season.

What I’d imagined would be a shock-and-awe campaign, brimming with fancy and gore, actually turned out quite the opposite. Of the things I remember most vividly about this season, in fact, gore was probably last on my list.

Sure, the clown(s) at the beginning got me – they got a lot of people. The grotesque, the new-to-the-eyes, the mayhem, all drew us in. What I hadn’t expected, though, was how sharply the season would turn into something packed with more humanity than I’ve perhaps seen nowhere else this winter.

Many have mused throughout Freak Show how co-creator Ryan Murphy could possibly top last season’s Coven, and here we sit, trying to determine whether that goal was achieved. We’ve also mused about whether or not Jessica Lange could outdo every character she’s progressively outdone since the series began. And we marveled at Sarah Paulson’s working overtime, geniusly portraying conjoined twins, Bette and Dot.

Now we’re faced with the question: How did we find this season, and where do we go from here?

My opinion (that’s why you come here, right?) is that this season ruled them all, for quality of acting, story line, complexity of character, and viewers’ overall investment in the season. In the grand scheme of things, many were mutilated, dismembered, and shot at close range, but for some reason, I don’t remember much of that. What I do remember is Dandy Mott’s (Finn Whitrock) evolution from a pandering mama’s boy to a calculated killer, the moment Ethel (Kathy Bates) received her terminal diagnosis, and Elsa Mars’ (Lange) difficult and disheartening journey to her final destination.

Truth be told, I found last season’s Coven a little bit sloppy. There were episodes I felt were hammered out over a writers’ table in a matter of hours. Other episodes seemed to simply be filler. Yet, despite all that, I remained curiously disgusted about and intrigued by much of the story. What I did not have last season, though, was any sort of emotional attachment to the characters. Though Bates was hilarious and Lange played the hell out of Fiona Goode, I still wasn’t loving any of them. If (and when) one of the characters died (then came back, died again, and was maybe burned or buried alive), I wouldn’t have shed as much as a tear.

I liked them, but I didn’t care about them.

And it’s a hard sell, right? Could we love a bunch of freaks? Did we? Does the horror aspect of this show sort of disappear into the vapor when we can see inside the minds and hearts of its characters? And is this good for the business of horror in the first place?

Has the show become a drama? And would it bother you if it were? I think it would be alright with me. After all, in what arena can you successfully shake up complex characters with good old-fashioned horror, the supernatural, and the infinite darkness of the human mind?

I liked Freak Show. In fact, I liked it quite a lot. But I also felt that aspect we crave, that desire to have the wits scared out of us, seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle. I paid much less attention to the gore than the characters and story this time around. At this point, I can’t say whether that’s a credit or a detriment to the series. The construct is more high-minded for sure, but is it in line with the rest of the franchise?

Has American Horror Story evolved? And if so, will the series evolve from here? Will it shed its bloody skin to become more of a drama than a horror story? Would you still watch if it did?

I don’t know. I’m thinking I probably would.


American Horror Story Freak Show can be found on FX. The show has been renewed for a fifth season.

Friendship in the ’90’s vs. Friendship Today

Remember having friends? I mean, really having friends? Those people, who came over, maybe ate dinner, or even watched a movie, with you? Or, better yet, people with whom you went out to the movies? Remember sitting around a table, laughing about your misadventures months after they happened?

I remember those people, too. And those times. Ah, how it used to be. In the good old days, if I may.

Please come by Redbook where I break down the major differences between friendship in the ’90’s and today.

And don’t forget your selfie stick.

To the Magic Makers


‘Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the house

Not a creature was stirring,

Not even a mouse


Unless it’s the cat

Who’s eating the flowers

That he’ll puke on the floor

In a couple of hours


Or your daughter, who just needs

To be tucked in twice

Or three times, or four

But just once would be nice!


Or Daddy just barreling

Up from the basement

With Santa’s great haul

For the children’s amazement


And then there is you

Trying to keep it together

With ten plates of cookies

And checking the weather


And cooking the food

Wondering whether they’ll like it

Stirring some egg nog

But hoping to spike it


And wrapping the things

Wondering when it will end

And majorly question

If Santa’s your friend


You scrub and you sweep

To ensure all is well

And place all the presents

So shit just looks swell


Take a bite of the cookies

And gnaw on the carrot

Then put it back down

So that no one will hear it


Then you climb into bed

With a sigh on your face

Too tired to know

That you’ve won the race


You wake in the morning

To giggles and screams

And facial expressions

You’ve never quite seen


And they smile and wail

And say “Look at that!”

Then you nod like a dummy

And fix the placemat


And they dance and they fiddle

And laugh with delight

And have no damn idea

You were up half the night


And you could be just bitter –

You know that it’s true

Take a drink to your room

And tell everyone to screw.


But there’d be no magic

Did you not bust your rear

To pick up the XMen and

Food for reindeer


And that Snow Glow Elsa,

(She’s been asking since fall)

Or the Spider Man figure

That shoots webs at the wall


Then a calm rushes over

As the magic goes by

And you look at their smiles

And feel you could cry


And it doesn’t much matter

Now all’s said and done

That you’ve broken your ass

Just for them to have fun


And so people could eat

And drink and relax

And share a few moments

That surely won’t last


The love there just gets you

And you cannot be blue

When you realize you’re Santa,

That Santa is YOU

Celebrating Christmas Past

When I think of Christmas, I think of my grandmother’s house – a two-story in the city, crowded and loud, its kitchen filled with ten more people than reasonably fit inside, with wooden and metal folding chairs placed all around (and beyond) the table.

When a guest arrived, four people had to relinquish their seats to clear the door. That cold blast of air brought love in from the outside – neighbors with cookies, friends of my grandfather, or the Avon lady. The scent of their leather coats hung in the chilly air.

The floor was linoleum, probably, and the metal chairs scraped, just as you’d imagine.

Poster-board decorations, dog-eared from years of use, some with faded velvety finishes, hung on the walls. Electric candles that bubbled water sat in each drafty window.

The light was harsh. The stove sat alone on a wall, and the big steel doors of the ‘icebox’ swung open and closed, attempting to satisfy the hungry crowd. Laughter crested and fell between the clanking of plates and glasses. Some would share chairs or sit on laps to secure what little room they could find. Others just stood and ate.

Holidays1There were deviled eggs, inordinately large bowls of salad, weathered baking pans filled with stuffed shells and veal parmigiana, and bread and butter. My grandfather would pour some Budweiser into an hourglass-shaped juice glass and push it towards me.

After dinner, my grandmother would make it a point to seat the kids in the middle of the floor, making everyone ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ at each present we opened. It would later become a running joke.

My grandfather would retire to his recliner and turn on the TV -probably a football game – or play music. I’d sit with him, usually, no matter what he’d watch. He’d hand me those Columbia House stamps, the ones you’d used to choose your “10 Free Albums”, and a piece of cardboard on which to stick them. Every so often, he’d get me seven or eight cassettes of my own, which I carried around in a case that may as well have been filled with gold bars.

He’d play Fats Domino, Connie Francis, and Bobby Darin on the eight-track – in the house, in the yard, in the car. Wherever he was, he brought his music (the way I’d later bring mine). And we’d sing. He’d rib me for “knowing all the words all the time”.

My grandmother would eventually coerce everyone into a round of Santa Claus is Coming to Town, complete with hand motions, though Christmas carols already crackled through a radio by the sink.

She would convince you that you needed a second plate of food – or a third – while my mother and aunt scuttled to clean the dirty dishes and clear the table.

My father and uncles would sit in the living room, talking in a frequency only understood by sports fans, or complained about ‘the alternator’, or ‘the radiator’, or the politicians. It was a language I would grow to learn.

And then my cousins and I would retire to an empty room or hallway to comb our Barbies, change their clothes, compare our Cabbage Patch Kids, and, of course, make up a dance to perform, mid-kitchen, for the entire family. We’d cartwheel and split in our footed tights, making the best of our nervous energy as we practiced.

From the kitchen, we’d hear a stray “What the Christ?” or a “Vaffanculo!” from my grandmother, which I won’t translate, because it’s Christmas. And then she’d laugh, with her hand covering her heart, talking fondly of her parents, or the fixes my uncles got into as children, as if she were trying to keep her joy from spilling out. She had the most beautiful laugh. It matched the twinkle in her eyes.

And my grandfather would play his eight-tracks, and snap his fingers, and take his Polaroids. And they’d slip me quarters and candy, even though it was Christmas Day.

Then I’d go home, bleary-eyed, with a bag full of ripped boxes, and sleep. And spend the rest of the week feeling the magic slowly wear off.

They’re all just echoes now – the eight-tracks, the aluminum pans, my grandmother’s laughter. Sometimes I close my eyes and wonder how their voices would sound in my house, whether she’d yell, “Steph, what the Christ?” if I wasn’t serving the soup fast enough, or if my grandfather would provide my kids a steady stream of bread and butter, just like he did with us.

And even though I’d sometimes give my left leg to have them back for a day – even a few hours – I know that they’re here. They’re here whenever I kiss my kids goodnight, when I cook a meal, when I smile at a stranger. They’re here.

So if you’re at all feeling like you may be missing the joy of those passed this season, rest assured that you’re not.

It’s just inside you now, and all around you.



2015: The Year of Gratifyingly Grating Grammy Nominations

Imagine my delight as I woke up this morning to a partial list of this year’s Grammy nominations. It’s a special time of year when nods are given to movies, music, and television, affording us the opportunity to cheer (and jeer) as we see fit.

I had a whole lot of fun with music this year, allowing myself, in the darkened corners of my office, hidden from the prying eyes of the public, to download songs at will. Any songs I wanted.

What makes this year special is that most of the songs nominated for Record of the Year have been made fun of, parodied, and/or plucked to death by social media. Even by me.

And my deep, dark secret is I own them all. I’m not even (that) ashamed to say it.

First, let’s talk about Fancy, by Iggy Azalea, ft. Charli XCX, shall we? When I think of Iggy Azalea’s voice, a few things come to mind – sandpaper being rubbed on my face, long, sharp beds of nails, frothing Rottweilers. If you’re a fan at all of English grammar, I’m afraid you’re drinking from the wrong cup of Cris’. Truth be told, it’s a train wreck that will not stop fascinating me. She’s a tall, beautiful, blonde, young Australian, groomed by the lyrical stylings of the Dirty South. My husband didn’t even believe the sounds he heard had originated from her body. I actually had to play him a video clip. And, even then, he walked away confused.

That said, I bought the song. I play the song. Sometimes loudly. And I have neither an explanation, nor an apology. It’s just catchy. In addition to Fancy, YouTubers can find the parodies I’m So Pregnant, I’m So Married, I’m So Cranky, and Weird Al’s version, Handy. You know it’s gotten real when Weird Al returns from virtual obscurity to parody your song.


I’m partial to Sia. Chandelier would be my pick if I were doing the picking. The soul in her voice just moves me. But we’re not living in my world. This song wasn’t shredded to the extent of some of the others, but the video, whose concept I admire, but didn’t truly love, was. If you’ve been wistful about Jim Carrey’s Vera de Milo years, suffer no more.


The next nominee, I’m afraid, has managed, for the most part, to escape the scathing eye of the media. He also happens to be the only man on the list. Accident? He also performed the song flawlessly at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards.  Needless to say, Stay With Me by Sam Smith is a great song, and a solid contender.

I’ve had a love/hate with Taylor Swift for a long time. She never provided the oomph I prefer in female vocalists. She was so wispy and ethereal, I imagined she’d just escape into the atmosphere with a strong wind. She didn’t possess the steel behind her words the way Pink and Katy Perry do. Like a moth on a summer evening, I found her ignorable. And then came Shake it Off. I managed to avoid this song with for a while, switching it off the radio, changing the TV channel, never clicking the links. Then, one night, YouTube beckoned me, in its soft, saccharine voice. Steph, it purred, Just watch it once. It won’t hurt you. And I did. And the girl poked fun at herself. And she was actually entertaining. There’s something to be said for an artist who doesn’t take herself too seriously. And then I, like most fourteen-year-old boys, fell just a little in love with her.



The last Record of the Year nomination, I honestly still can’t determine whether I love or hate. I’m not sure I agree with the message (though I’m supposed to, I guess?), I’m not a fan of the attitude, and it really strikes me as a one-hit wonder, but I can never get this song out of my headAll About that Bass by Meghan Trainor is one of those anomalies, like (ironically) Baby Got Back, or I’m Too Sexy, that just grows roots in your consciousness and never, ever leaves. I’ve really heard enough songs about asses to last me two lifetimes, but the effervescent quality of this quirky masterpiece has a penchant for burrowing deep into the recesses of your brain. And it’s spurred parodies as well, most notably, the viral Thanksgiving video, All About that Baste, by the fame-hungry Xmas Jammies family, the Holdernesses. I haven’t personally, and refuse to watch, but won’t forsake you the opportunity for more butter.



So, is imitation the highest form of flattery? Is hate the new love? Does contracting a literal earworm or developing a migraine pave the road to Grammy fame? Does it even need to be a good song?

I don’t know, either.

Just cue up that playlist.


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