Crappy New Year

I’m traumatized. Really. So much so that I had to wait for my sense of humor to return in order to start writing again.

We’ve been fighting a war here against something I think I’ve never fully conceived. I’ve heard horror stories, but blocked them out. I’ve had unnerving visions over the course of my lifetime, but quickly blinked them away. The only references I’ve called upon originated from The Exorcist, Stand by Me, a few choice episodes of Intervention, and movies full of frothing, groaning zombies.

mr. yuck

I’m talking stomach virus, people. And it attacked our house.

I won’t get into specifics, but family members went down like Kamikazes, items were ruined, rug machines were purchased, pharmacies were consulted, and I will never look at New Year’s Eve the same way again.

Soda bottles, Solo cups, and an open bottle of Cabernet lay out on a counter for three days. Leftover Chinese food containers waited in the dark of the refrigerator. Open bags of chips rested, undisturbed, where they had been put down. Paper plates were strewn about, and unused crystal wine glasses sat on their rims, mocking me. They were all mocking me. 

My washing machine has been running for five days straight. And I’ve got one of those high-efficiency machines. You know, the ones that recycle the water?  So, yeah. Pile some gross right on top of your disgusting there.

We spent the greater part of yesterday attempting to purge the depravity from our home, while our children, confined to their playyard, protested the injustice. The heat was turned off and the windows were opened, as we tried our level best to restore our home to the peaceful, disorganized place it had once been.

But we’re not quite finished yet.

So don’t bother asking me what my New Year’s Resolution is. It’s to never, ever celebrate New Year’s at home again.

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Comments

  1. Oh dear. I was already worried about 2012. This just seals it. Doom.

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  2. Oh no no no no! What an awful way to start out the year. Let”s assume this is the worst thing that’s going to happen in 2012 – and it’s out of the way. Smooth sailing from here on out!

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  3. Sounds like it was a rough ride. I’m glad you made through.

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  4. Omg. That sucks! On the bright side, thing will only get better. Right? Right?

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  5. First of all, you described my house without stomach flu. So feel better about yourself right there.

    Secondly, I have a high efficiency washer, too. And also a high threshold for gross. Naturally.

    Lastly, I hope you’re all back to your old selves soon. And please know that at least you’re still funny even when you’re in the midst of “disgusting.”

    p.s. If you’re not going to finish that Cabernet and Chinese food…

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  6. Ha – we have an HE washer too. Baby M had RSV before Christmas…and it was on “Sanitary” cycle so many times I lost count. And I still kind of cringe when I think about the recycled water.

    Glad you guys came out of it with nary a scratch!

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  7. Thanks! First chance I get, I’m buying a low-efficiency one!

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  8. Oh No! No fun at all. Hope everyone heals soon, so you can move on from the non-stop laundry and all the stuff that has to be cleaned off, and washed, and then it happens all over again.

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  9. Oh dear. It kind of sounds like the opening scene in The Hangover, so watch out for tigers.

    I won’t speak in any detail, but your post made me think of an incident several years ago involving Pizza Rolls and the bathroom rug. The rug was thrown away, because it was just way, way better for everyone that way. Sometimes you just have to start clean. Like in the new year.

    May you be out of the woods and stay out.

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  10. That’s how we started our 2010 Christmas season. Why does the stomach bug have to float around that time of year? When my kids mention someone puking at school, I really just don’t sleep until throw-up season is over. Glad it’s clearing up…

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  11. Thanks, it was like walking down memory lane! Hope you are all on the upside of things now! Happy New Year!

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  12. It can only get better…I hope. Good luck disinfecting the ICK!

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  13. Oh my. I’ve been there – but not on New Year’s. I can only imagine… never mind resolutions, once you’ve got this beat you’ll be able to conquer anything this year – you’re all set!!

    Feel better!

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  14. Ack. There is nothing worse than a house full of intestinally-challenged children.
    NOTHING.

    I most certainly hope that things are on the upswing….
    Hm.
    Let me rephrase that with something that doesn’t involve the word “up”.

    I most certainly hope that things continue to improve and that sanity returns forthwith.

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  15. Oh no! I hope you’re making your way to the other side of that horror. Stomach viruses suck, and it’s impossible for only one family member to get it, no matter how careful you are. We’ve had our share, and I wouldn’t wish it on ANYONE.

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