Snooki, Angelina, and the Death of All Things Beautiful

Who are we? I mean, who are we?

What have we become?

As much as last weekend’s Academy Awards were criticized for being boring, or, you know, I’m not even really sure what, I actually found the show classy and highlighted by what I perceive to be legitimate entertainment – singing, dancing, Cirque du Soleil…

What do people want? And what did people talk about all week?

Angelina’s leg.

Angelina Jolie, whom I was certain everyone knew was a few sandwiches short of a picnic, made the front page by wagging her leg around outside the slit of her dress as she presented an award. Please allow me to remind you that this is the same Angelina Jolie who carried a vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck.

I hate to break this to you, folks, but just because she’s with Brad Pitt and acquired sixteen orphans, the elevator still may not go all the way to the top. And I’m aware that Brad gives the illusion of sanity, but please don’t forget: It takes one to know one. I’m sure he hasn’t convinced her to take her meds or stop sucking helium or whatever it is she does to ‘feel right’. He may have sanded her down around the edges, or convinced her to wear the vial of his blood around her other thigh, but, despite the fact that some people have, I still wouldn’t call on her to solve any of the world’s problems.

As the hype died down from her publicity stunt, er, leg, the world receives the news that Snooki, of Jersey Shore fame, is pregnant. Pregnant. Insert punchline here.

Now, I’m not going to get self-righteous here, because I certainly got reeled in on both accounts, but my God, we’re just a few dangerous inches away from Ow, My Balls! 

My big fear here is that music – real music – is going to fall away, along with theater, dance, and art, and we’ll be sitting around our 2035 homes, watching grainy flashbacks of an era gone by, an era where people recognized, cultivated, and expressed themselves through universally appreciated media.

And that makes me sad.

Television, as you know, is dominated by reality tv, which, though a very clever and intriguing invention, requires little or no actual talent.

There. I said it.


This world is sorely lacking talent, rather ignoring it, for flashy, crazy things like Angelina’s leg and the illegitimate spawn of Jersey Shore alumnae.

And the world spins faster, and people get dumber, and eat lousy food, and can’t recall (or worse, never knew) what it feels like to be moved by art.

And we’ll take pictures of our dinners and post them to Facebook and Twitter, and we’ll subsist solely on text conversations, and try to win the world over with 140 characters, and we’ll come to accept that this is it. This is life. And we’ll forget. And the beauty of the human condition will wither and die, dust to dust, and be tilled over and replanted with artificial flavor and color and soul.

And people like me, whose very existence thrived upon these expressions of the human condition, will languish and withdraw. And settle in to watch the second coming of Snooki on YouTube.

28 Comments Add yours

  1. razerantz says:

    Reblogged this on razerantz and commented:
    I just love this post!


    1. Oh thanks. I do my best work out of disgust apparently ;-)


      1. razerantz says:

        lol It’s what we’re all thinking and you said! I’ve been following you for a while so I just added a link on my blog to you!


      2. Awesome! Thank you!


  2. muddledmom says:

    Until some “genius” comes up with the bright idea that we need culture and real music and art and conversation in our lives and makes millions off that concept.


    1. Right?!? Just like all the geniuses profiting off of ‘wholesome’ food now. Ugh!


  3. Sometimes I catch myself wishing I could be on Broadway. My name in lights. The Tony Awards. Me. That part of entertainment I will always love. The glitz, the glam. But this obsession about their lives has turned into them dictating politics and all kinds of b.s. about mine. I didn’t think the Oscars were that bad. I just think the media and us only like to tear stuff apart now. We can’t enjoy anything anymore. I miss the 80’s. I enjoyed life then. I was a little kid, but dreams were bigger. Humor was cooler. Music was better. Now its just a mess. Maybe I am old.
    Snooki being pregnant is strange territory. For me. And her.


  4. Heather says:

    Get ready…you wrote a post about Snooki. If you have google analytics you’ll see that she is the most important topic in the world. I wrote a post about it. It’s a Snooki world. We just get to live in it.


    1. Hahahaha!! I shall wait by the gates in my armor.


  5. Jess says:

    Have you ever seen the 2006 flick “Idiocracy?” It’s hilarious, if you look past the scary, this is actually happening part. It is about our future and how we are getting dumber and dumber and dumber…and how two of the dumbest people in our present get frozen to be “thawed” in the future and end up saving the planet by putting water on plants (as they were watering with gatorade). I found it to be good for a chuckle, but it does leave you thinking, “Is this what we’re heading towards?”


    1. Yes! The “Ow, My Balls!” is from Idiocracy. I wrote about it in an earlier post as well. Everyone should have to watch that movie, just so they know what we’re dealing with. ;-)


      1. Jess says:

        I haven’t seen it in a while, so I forgot about “Ow, My Balls!” but I love that you had that in this post!


  6. Caron ET (@runreadrant) says:

    Idiocracy..see the movie..scary as hell!


  7. Bravo! That was equal parts funny and brilliant. Also frustratingly true. I worry about the slow insidious devolution reality TV is bringing to society. But on the other hand there are so many truly gifted artists, writers, actors, gardeners and what have you out there. And thanks to social media those talented people have more access to exposure than ever before. So I’m trying to hang on to the hope that it’s not all going to hell in a hand basket. If the apocalypse is nigh, I’m sharing my underground lair with a couple of nobel prize winners, and my favorite books. We’ll hang a Chagall or two on the wall, drink wine and bake brownies. As for Snooki she can stay above ground and fend for herself.


    1. That’s a sound strategy. I shall join you for brownies.


  8. It used to be that singers had to have talent in order to get into the recording field. Then the video came along (MTV) and suddenly a singer that didn’t look like a model and couldn’t crank out videos were unable to sell a song. I used to study music when I was in high school and college and to my mind, the music industry went to hell in a hand basket a long time ago. With a few exceptions most singers today are all about lip syncing and writhing around on stage. Who cares about sound?

    As to Jolie and her ilk, I ignore them. Most films today are duds and I won’t waste my time on them. Yes, there are a few that are worth the powder it would take to blow them to h*ll, but not many.

    Okay, I’ll admit to watching GLEE now and then on FOX.TV’s website, but that’s because I’m a sucker for musicals and have been since I was a kid.


    1. As am I. Good taste you have.


      1. Ah Hah, Yoda you are. ;^)


  9. Bon Steele says:

    You, um…know about this, right?

    I long for the days when character development, plot, glamour, the Oxford comma, and intelligence ruled the screenwriting world.


    1. Haha. Yes. Yes, I do. ;-)


    2. Oh, God, for a movie like Gone With The Wind or some of the classics before then. We even had books with more depth, although I do munch happily along in mystery much of the time. The Oxford Comma is my best friend. :) The problem, I fear, is that the audience can no longer deal with a thoughtful plot – there must be a sexy girl attached to a much older man, lots of action, lots of adventure, and not much dialog since we don’t want to strain the brain cells.

      How about The Oxbow Incident from 1943, The King and I in 1956, The Bridge Over the River Kwai in 1957, Twelve Angry Men in 1957, Old Yeller in 1957, Gigi in 1958, Lillies of the Field from 1963, Guess Who’s Coming to dinner in 1967 and… never mind… they are not coming back. Now we have movies like Slumdog Millionaire.

      I admit it, I did like What Dreams May Come and Awakening with Robin Williams, but I like most of his efforts. There was also The Legend of Bagger Vance (which is the Baghavad Gita in disguise). There are a few that are not brain dead on arrival.


      1. Hey, now! I fully endorse Slumdog. That was a great movie. Certainly not the same caliber, but a great movie nonetheless.


  10. Bridget says:

    Nah. No way. There will always be people looking for real art. Maybe not The Artist – but something above Jersey Shore. For serious. I love The Real Housewives. But I also love real Theatre, not musical Theatre…real theatre that reflects truth.


    I also like Cheetos.


    1. You are probably right. But when I turn on the tv and see Mario Lopez, I get really discouraged.

      And I love Cheetos, too. We should bring them to Disney World. ;-)


  11. Simon says:

    On the one side, I really enjoyed your post and can’t agree with you more. On the other side, I always giggle when I see some one get racked in the nuggets. The lowest common denominator will always be there nipping at our heels, that is, if we are lucky enough to stay above it.


    1. Thanks. And I’m pretty sure you’re in the majority with the nugget assault there.


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