Today will be a stressful day for everyone, until the final word comes down about the fate of the next four years of this great country. Thus, I thought it would be fitting to provide a distraction from the blue and red glare, ever-changing percentages, and approximately twenty-four hours of unsolicited commentary.
Since this is a nation just brimming with individuals of all races and creeds, I decided to celebrate our diversity. Give a little credit to those whose praises we rarely sing.
So, without further ado, today I’m celebrating you:
People who put trash in public trash cans, but not all the way in
People who leave their shopping carts wherever they wish
People who use the word “sangwich”
Best Buy employees
Guys who should wear belts, but don’t
People who wear phone earpieces
People who hit other people in the backs of their heads with snowballs
People who look in other people’s grocery carts
People who hoard fast-food utensils
People who spit and/or blow their noses on the ground
People with too many stickers on their cars
People who fart in crowds
Telephone Customer Service Representatives who say, “Just a moment. I’ll transfer you,” but really mean, “So long, Sucka!” and hang up
People who work at the DMV
People who pronounce Gyros properly
People who use motor homes as their primary means of transportation
People who line up for assigned seats at the airport
Trust me when I say that this country would not be the same without you. You’re truly part of what makes us so, er, great.
Now, enough stalling. Get out and vote!